MEMORIES OF MY FATHER
John Castelino (February 2, 1910 -February 4, 1991)
Audio narrated by his son, Mark Voice Recorder-Voz
My father was a dashing young man and an outstanding athlete. He dominated sports, first at St Aloysius College in Mangalore followed by St. Xavier’s College in Bombay. Wasn’t aware that my mother too was an outstanding athlete in St. Xavier’s College. She left before graduating to marry Daddy. It was a time when a mother and father (my grandparents) do not refuse such an outstanding proposal. Don’t know if it is true or not but when the proposal came to him for my mother, he thought it was for my grandmother who was very attractive too and not much older than Daddy. Providence decided wisely and he married my mother who was then no more than eighteen. Together they brought forth six children, first the four boys followed by two girls. Above is a picture of Daddy with all his trophies followed by the greatest one of all, my mother.
What a Handsome Couple!
Daddy was a man of many colors, otherwise a very colorful man, much beloved by family and friends. He was a risk taker, loved to gamble in cards and on the track. On his first quality, this son (myself) and his grandson, Ranjit take after him. I am glad that at least one from the following two generations follow him.
Johnny Cash
Daddy was an ace Rummy player. At Bandra Gymkahana where he played every evening, he was referred to as Johnny Cash because he seldom lost. He hated bad players and never played with family members who used to bring out the cards during holiday celebrations such as Easter, Christmas and New Year. He could scarcely hide his annoyance at his mother-in-law’s (our much beloved nanny) rummy playing. Three reasons: One, she hated to pack despite being dealt a lousy hand. She simply loved to play. Two, and most important for a pro that Daddy was, were with the cards she picked up and discarded. She would pick a card to make a five-card run when four would suffice. Third, she did not care what the player following her picked and discarded. Often that player was her son, Claudy, whom she often accused of cheating. When she discarded a card, he used to grab it. This annoyed her. “See I told you, he used to peek at my hand, to know what I had.” No, my dear Nanny, he knew what you had from the cards you picked up and discarded. This was too much for her to understand.
Daddy the Punter
Punter is the name applied to racing gamblers. Daddy was one. Every Saturday the punters used to visit the Mahalaxmi race course to bet on the races. The gang included Uncles Eric and Cedric, John (Boat) Alva, Scotty, Edwin Nevis and one Jew called Sonny Sofaer. We used to be regaled wirh track stories about Jockeys pulling their horses to prevent them from winning and tales about Sonny Sofaer.
Once when they were waiting for a race to begin, Sonny Sofaer’s sister-in-law, one Irene Samuels, showed up. Sonny, a very superstitious man, went ballistic. He announces loudly that he was leaving. “Why, Sonny”, Daddy exclaims. “Did you see who just came,” says Sonny. “That bitch, Irene. She knew I was here and purposely arrived to jinx me just before the race. I am leaving, I am leaving.” He then tears up his ticket and leaves. To add insult to injury, that ticket he tore up happened to be on the horse that actually won the race. This made Sunny even madder causing him to curse his sister-in-law with even more expletives.
When punters watch horse races they scream the names of their horses as if to urge them to run faster. Remember Eliza Doolitle at Epsom in My Fair Lady, “C’mon Dover, move your bloomin arse”. In this case it wasn’t Dover but a horse called Tak à Tasi. A punter behind the gang was screaming “Tak à Tasi, Tak à Tasi, Tak à Tasi.”. Daddy looks at Sonny and asks what horse is that, as there is no Tak à Tasi in the cards. Sonny responds “Johnny, it’s not Tak à Tasi, he’s an idiot, the horse’s name is Take it Easy.” Too bad that neither Take it Easy nor Tak à Tasi made it to the winners circle that evening much to the dismay of its bettors. Stories like this abounded on Daddy’s days at the races.
The gang’s success at the track was mixed. They were not heavy betters who won and lost big money. However, Michael remembers a day when Daddy came home with a suitcase full of cash. They had a big day. I hope he gave some of it to my mother who worked hard to keep the family financially afloat. He probably did but I can bet that most of it was lost later at the track.
One more Sonny Sofaer story is warranted; The tale was about “The Monkey and the Grease Pole.” A monkey is trying to climb up a twenty foot pole lathered with grease. Every two feet the monkey jumps it slips back one foot. Now according to Sonny the monkey would never reach the top because it always falls back. Sonny could not understand that when the monkey reached 18 feet, the next jump would get him to the top. Sonny insisted it must fall back a foot. This back and forth with Daddy over drinks was unbelievably hilarious as Sonny would never concede. Such were stories of Sonny Sofaer, a truly wonderful and colorful character. The Johnny and Sonny Show must surely to be entertaining all the Punters in Paradise.
Daddy gets his first Heart Attack.
Daddy used to work for the customs and later for Godfrey Philips, which was bought up by Philip Morris. He used to be their clearing agent, given his knowledge of how customs operated. It was not heavy work but hard as he spent long days at the docks. It was here that he got his first heart attack. At the time all heart attacks were serious, even mild ones. He was the major breadwinner in the family, although Mummy also worked to supplement the family income. Being a heavy smoker (not difficult for someone who worked for a cigarette manufacturing company). However, out of filial love for his wife and family he stopped smoking cold turkey, but unfortunately took to drinking.
One thing Daddy could not control was his addiction to alcohol. This was the time of prohibition where the liquor was what Americans refer to as moonshine. In Bombay it was called country liquor. He simply drank too much. Thankfully, he was never physically abusive to his wife whom he simply loved too much. But it was difficult for her but she understood his drinking more as a weakness than anything else and tolerated it.
His Love for his Wife
Daddy’s love for Mummy is best explained in two events, one of which we observed. When Uncle Jock died, Mummy called him on the phone to give him the news. Fearful of the effect the news would have on his heart, she tried to break it gently to him. After a while he says, “Flo can you please tell me who died?” Mummy responds in a choking voice that it was Uncle Jock. Daddy in an absolute classic said, “Flo, you don’t have to worry about me. As long as you are there on the other end of this line you don’t have to worry about me or my heart. It will never be broken.”
This one we did not observe but can easily surmise. One thing Daddy was really fearful about was if Mummy died before him. Fortunately for him, he went first. However, I can easily imagine him entering the pearly gates asking for his beloved Flo. On being told she hadn’t arrived yet, he was disconsolate and pleaded with St. Peter to send him back. Without his beloved Flo, this was no heaven to him. She was his heaven on earth. I remember U. Eric once writing to me in America, “Your father lives in a world of perpetual bliss, a state I dare not aspire to even in my dreams.” Such was the world Daddy lived in, created by Mummy.
Daddy and His Children
Daddy was extremely fond and proud of his children. Early on, Maria was his favorite for a couple of reasons. She was the first daughter after four sons. Also, she was pretty and did very well in school, always standing first in her class throughout her school years. She was always “My Daughter Maria”.
Daddy was a close friend of Frank Soares who used to work for Bombay University. Consequently, Daddy always got the SSC results before they were published. He used to come home smiling with the news that Michael, or Marty or Christopher passed, which always called for a drink naturally. When it came to me with the announcement that I too had passed he got no reaction from either Mummy or me. He was taken aback at the lack of excitement and wondered aloud why it was so. Mummy then tells Daddy, “Johnny, for Mark to pass means nothing. Of course he will. What he is looking for is a First Class”, which, by the way, I did get and a very high one too. It was followed by a distinction in First Year Science and admittance to IIT. To him I now became, “My Son Mark”.
His eldest son Michael, otherwise known as “God the Son” became “My Son Michael” when he won the Bhaba Memorial Award for scoring the highest marks in India for the First Mate’s exam.
Many of my letters home, unbeknownst to me were preserved. I cannot explain why. On one of my trips home Daddy opens a card with a letter inside. He apparently knew its contents by heart, as according to Mummy, he used to walk up and down our verandah memorizing it. He read its contents to me.
“Daddy those were beautifully expressed sentiments to the parents of whoever wrote it. Who did?“ I asked. “You did, son” he said. Wow! Even this writer was impressed.
Daddy’s Sense of Duty to his Family
Daddy felt he had such a sense of duty to his wife and children that when I got engaged to be married to Leonie he felt he had to alert me to the physical attributes of my soon to be wife. At the time Leonie was absolutely exotic, and still is fifty years later. My grandmother, after feeling her arms, described her as “nice and solid.” Why? Because her mother’s family were all on the heavy side. So Daddy felt he had to tell me what might happen down the road. He said to me in front of his wife, “Son, you must know there is fatness in the family.” My mother got so angry with him and firmly berated him for saying so. “But Flo, I feel it is my duty to warn my son.” Such was the sheer simplicity and honesty of the man who felt it was his obligation to warn his son, Mark, what his future wife might become. Lest anyone imagine otherwise, he loved his daughter-in-law immensely and that love was reciprocated, despite or even because of the fatness in the family remark.
Daddy and Mummy in America
After what Daddy and Mummy did for me by sending me to America the least I could do was bring them on a three-month holiday to the US. I did. It was very special in more ways than one. This was the land of the Kennedy’s and the moon landings, Hollywood and the movies they grew up with. They stayed with me in the two bedroom apartment I shared with Haren whose parents were visiting at the same time. They got on very well together. Haren’s Dad shared a lot of memories with Daddy as they were in St. Xavier’s college at the same time. The two Mummys also got along wonderfully, sharing stories of their children and their lives in Bombay.
For Daddy the trip was extra special indeed. Took him and Mummy to Jack Dempsey’s restaurant for dinner. Too bad Dempsey was not there as I would surely have requested a picture of him and Daddy together. As a punter Daddy got the enormous pleasure of seeing Secretariat win the Triple Crown in record times which stand to this day 60 years later. But the jewel of the trip for him was seeing Vijay Amritraj deliver a coup de grace at the US Open in then Forest Hills.
I took him to see unseeded Amritraj play top seeded Rod Laver in an early round. Surprisingly, it was a see saw battle which went 5 sets. With Vijay ahead 4–3 in the fifth set, Laver approached the umpire to seek a postponement because he was cramping up. Daddy got mad. He stood up and shouted, “Hulkat! Hulkat! No Postponement! No Postponement!” Don’t know whether the umpire or Laver heard him or even knew what Hulkat meant. In any event the match continued with Amritraj prevailing 6–4 in the deciding set. Daddy was ecstatic, even more so with the Daily News headline the next day describing Amritraj as the “Hottest thing from India since Curry.” I got several copies of the newspaper for him to take to India and show his Bandra Gymkhana friends. “I was there when this happened,” I can only imagine him as he regaled his friends.
What a highlight for him, both as a punter and an outstanding sportsman!
Guest of Honor at St. Mary’s Sports Day
One day at school the Principal, Fr. Percy D’souza approached me to ask if he could come to my home to meet my parents. I was terrified at this request as a few weeks earlier he punished my whole class for a prank we played on one of our teachers. We had to come in on Thursday, our day off, as punishment. When we are all in class he announces that if the miscreant reveals himself he will let the class go home. We all knew who it was but when the real miscreant did not stand up, I did. Fr. Percy, not for a moment believed it was me but having made the deal he let the class off but I was punished for the whole day. This is the reason why I was terrified as a possible expulsion loomed, or so I thought.
As it turned out that was far from the reason for his visit. He came to invite Daddy to be the guest of honor for our Sports Day. I was both thrilled and relieved. Later on Fr. Percy revealed how proud he was of me for taking the hit for my entire class in the episode I mentioned in the previous paragraph.
All of my extended family were thrilled at the honor given to Daddy. My mother’s brothers and uncles were all St. Mary’s boys and attended that sports day to see Daddy giving a Kennedy-like speech at the podium. My mother had the honor giving out the cups and medals to the winning athletes. Only later did I realize why Daddy was chosen to be the guest of honor. Apparently, the Principal, Fr. Percy attended St. Xavier’s the same time Daddy attended and was well aware of what a great athlete he was. He wanted one of his own to do the honors.
Daddy gets his Strokes and Passes Away
This was a very difficult time for my mother who now had to care for basically an invalid. Fortunately, we had the help of one Thangamani, who helped Mummy with Daddy, taking care of bathing him, feeding him, and the other chores. He lingered on for a few years and then died in his sleep.
My eldest brother tells that after Mummy passed away he used to sit in the patio of their home in Madras and Thangamani told him stories of Daddy. He used to call out for Mummy “Fo! Fo! Fo!” and she would tell him in the local language “Leave her alone, she has gone to see her mother.” It was then that Daddy told Thangamani that when he dies he wished that she would go and see all her children. When she returns after seeing them he will come back and take her away.
Providence willed that is exactly what happened. Daddy passed away in February. Her trip started in June of that same year beginning in Hong Kong, where she saw her eldest son Michael, then to Melbourne to see her youngest daughter Philoo, followed by Omaha to see her eldest daughter Maria, then Marty in Miami. Her life ended there before seeing her youngest son in New Jersey. Fortunately, he did see her on that trip in Omaha after attending a conference in Houston, Texas.
Daddy, as promised returned, and as in a hurricane swept his beloved Flo away as heaven was no Paradise without her.
They now lie together peacefully in a grave in Besant Nagar.
